| ytd i left early
today i thought to myself i should be staying a bit longer at the office
then i went home at 6:30
becos i have no work to do
haha
very exhausting although nth to do...
still have not finished kr+...
die die die...
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| a psychoanalysis of myself in these past few months
the urge of being tough and strong has faded
as i need not to prove myself to you that i am strong enough to take care of myself
i have been relying on the others so much
in some point
i totally lost control
today when u finally did it
i felt so insecure
as if the only thing to depend on has collapsed
wt should i do?
i had the strong feeling while taking the bus home
maybe it boosted my confidence after the job interview
i felt i was drifting and searching for myself in the past months
it has been a relief
but it has also made me feel helpless
no one will give me advises like you do
no one will point out my flaws so directly
i felt insecure
like nothing that i am doing is right
i seek for agreement and acceptance
but there is no feedback
i felt very nervous... all the time
not knowing what to do
feeling unable to accomplish anything
since you are not around...
i have to prove to no one
not even myself
i am helpless
sometimes i stayed up until very late
hoping you will come to my doors
scolding me y am i not sleeping
i dont care if i saw an illusion
but i want to see you
i will be so happy to see you again
my heart is so broken now
i miss you very much mom...
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| never not my fault...
fuck i hate 2009 christmas eve
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| ok i need to to something for myself
1. visual ethnography about ppl in bus windows
2. 3mo web + registration
3. mv << i really want to do it so badly
4. record a song for christmas
need to learn
1. after effects
2. ai skills
3. try to know how to do 3D modeling
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| what's in ur mind my dear...?
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